How to Make Guacamole

How to make Guacamole:

1. Place avocados and onions on counter.
2. Go to fridge to get cilantro and lemons. see Freddie jump on the computer counter (connected to the kitchen counter) out of the corner of my eye.
3. Feelings of anger swell within.
4. Go back to work station and try to get Freddie to get away from my workspace and back down to the computer counter...perhaps by nudging, shooing, or mushing in the face.
5. Begin chopping onion/cilantro.
6. Watch as Frederika approaches computer table again.
7. See her jump up and try to sneak into my work area. (she doesn't realize that she is about 2 feet from me and in plain sight.)
8. Go around the counter to shoo her again. She scrambles away and knocks over a lamp and scatters assorted papers and mail.
9. Clean up mess, slice avocados and place into a bowl.
10. Smash avocado with fork, then spray Freddie with a water bottle to get her off the counter again.
    
11. Add chopped onion and about a tablespoon of lemon juice to the bowl and mix ingredients well.
12. Chase Freddie from the spot where she was about to jump back on the counter.
13. Try to calm feelings of rage.
    
14. Add cilantro, salt and pepper to taste. mix well.
    
15. Catch Freddie in mid air as she jumps up to the counter, take her to the bedroom, lock the door.
16. Enjoy fresh Guacamole with tortilla chips!